Official Document / Regulatory Compliance — Bureau Privacy Directive
Bureau Privacy Directive — Regulatory Disclosure

Privacy Policy

Effective date: January 1, 2026 — Last updated: June 24, 2026
Plain Language Summary — AI & Data

Your complaint text is not stored. When you submit the form, your text is sent to an AI provider to generate your certificate. After that, it is discarded. No database. No record.

Your data is never used to train AI. The Bureau is a consumer of AI services, not an AI trainer. Your text is used to generate one certificate and nothing else.

Your text is screened for safety. Before generation, your complaint text is checked by an automated content moderation service to filter harmful content. This check is automated and the text is not stored by the moderation provider.

This is not a therapy or wellness tool. The Bureau is a parody of bureaucratic formality. It generates a comedic document. It is not therapy, emotional support, or a health service.

No tracking cookies. No ads. No account. No advertising cookies. No third-party ad trackers. No registration required. Paid access uses a license key stored only in your own browser.

Bureau Privacy Directive §1 — Data Intake Protocol

When a Claimant submits a grievance via the Bureau Intake Form, the following information is transmitted to Bureau processing infrastructure:

This information is transmitted to the Bureau’s serverless processing infrastructure, which routes it to one of several AI service providers for certificate generation. The Bureau does not store this information in any database. It is used solely to produce a single certificate, after which it is discarded. The Bureau has no memory. The Bureau processes, issues, and forgets.

Prior to generation, the Claimant’s complaint text is also submitted to an automated content moderation service for safety screening. This check is performed in real-time and the text is not retained by the moderation provider.

Bureau Privacy Directive §2 — Data the Bureau Does Not Collect

The Bureau wishes to formally confirm that it does not engage in the following practices, regardless of how normal they have become elsewhere:

The Bureau acknowledges that this level of restraint is, in the current digital landscape, almost suspiciously responsible.

Bureau Privacy Directive §3 — Voluntary Email Disclosure

A Claimant may, at their sole discretion, choose to provide an email address (e.g., to receive Bureau correspondence). This email is transmitted to EmailOctopus, a third-party mailing list provider. The Bureau uses EmailOctopus solely to manage its correspondence registry.

Bureau Privacy Directive §4 — Local Device Storage

The Bureau utilises the Claimant’s browser localStorage and sessionStorage to maintain certain data on the Claimant’s own device. This data is never transmitted to Bureau servers:

The Claimant may purge all locally stored Bureau data at any time by clearing site data for this domain. The Bureau will not take this personally.

Bureau Privacy Directive §5 — Payment Processing

Claimants who elect to upgrade their filing are directed to a secure third-party payment processor. The Bureau does not receive, process, or store payment card information at any point. After purchase, the Claimant receives access to their certificate content. This key is stored exclusively in the Claimant’s browser localStorage as described in Directive §4.

Bureau Privacy Directive §6 — Operational Analytics

The Bureau collects anonymous, aggregate usage data to monitor operational efficiency. This data contains no personally identifiable information:

Bureau Privacy Directive §7 — Data Retention Schedule

The Bureau maintains the following retention schedule, which it considers refreshingly brief by institutional standards:

Bureau Privacy Directive §8 — Third-Party Service Registry

The Bureau maintains formal processing relationships with the following external services. Claimant data is shared with these services only as specifically described:

Bureau Privacy Directive §9 — Claimant Rights

Depending on the Claimant’s jurisdiction, the following rights may be exercised regarding personal data held by the Bureau:

In practice, the Bureau stores remarkably little personal data server-side. If the Claimant has not provided an email address, the Bureau holds no personal data whatsoever. Complaint text is not stored. Certificates exist only in the Claimant’s browser. The Bureau’s memory is, by design, institutionally non-existent.

For EU/EEA residents: these rights are provided under the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR). For residents of other jurisdictions with comparable data protection frameworks, the Bureau extends the same rights. The Bureau does not discriminate in its commitment to forgetting.

To exercise any of these rights, contact the Bureau at the address in Directive §12.

Bureau Privacy Directive §10 — Data Deletion Procedure

Claimants seeking deletion of their data may initiate the following procedures:

Bureau Privacy Directive §11 — Minors

The Bureau does not knowingly process filings from individuals under the age of 13. If the Bureau becomes aware that a minor has submitted personal data, it will initiate deletion procedures. Given that the Bureau does not store complaint text and does not require accounts, the practical risk is minimal — but the commitment is genuine.

Bureau Privacy Directive §12 — Policy Amendments

The Bureau reserves the right to amend this Privacy Directive as operational requirements evolve. The effective date at the top of this document reflects the most recent revision. Continued use of Bureau services constitutes acceptance of the amended Directive.

Bureau Privacy Directive §13 — Contact

Privacy inquiries, data deletion requests, and GDPR-related correspondence: hello@bureauofminorsufferings.com

The Bureau of Minor Sufferings is not a real government agency and maintains no government data-handling obligations. That said, the Bureau takes data privacy more seriously than it takes your complaint — which is to say, with complete institutional sincerity.